Funk It Fridays

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“Never trust a big butt and a smile” BBD (1990)

I tripped over the melody and lost the beats.  I started this blog believing that time would bend to my wishes, and every waking moment would find me dribbling words and phrases down the lane, and sinking dope podcasts from well beyond the 3 pt. marker. That did not happen.  This is what really happened: I dabbled with mixes and playlists that bricked the backboard, and sang hollow notes of failure out of my headphones.  I had Michael Jordan hopes with Sam Bowie talent.

If Fall and Winter find abject laziness masquerading as “seasonal hibernation”, then Spring and Summer are the times to shake-ass and shovel off that extra set of hips we picked up between the Thanksgiving turkey and Mardi Gras King Cake.  So the soundtrack has got to be funky grooves that hint at unlimited potential to swing, shimmy, and stomp. In that spirit, the Aural Palace introduces Funk It Friday: a playlist to shrug-off the toejam of another work week slaving in the corporate field for paper pennies and wooden nickels.

From 9 to 5, Friday is about FUNKING IT! Project not finished?! Too damn bad. Contacts not made? Hey, it’ll hold. It’s Friday and we’re revisiting the absurdity of a 5/2 work/play ratio. We’re pulling out our “Wrap It Up”  clock and slamming it on the desk.  Define Friday by ONE question: How do I BLOW THIS JOINT?!?! We hit the ground running away from the terror-firma of our corporate cloaks. We’re ready to crop some hours from the workplace, and binge on gin and sin if we’re celebrating with the ignorant magic possessed by twentysomethings.

If Birthday #40 is just 365 winks away, the head-banging and club-hopping bass of the Friday night hang-out joints will only aggravate that arthritic knee we’ve complained about. “Funk” for us might need to be scaled and stripped down as to discourage unnecessary “old man in the club” escapades. We can’t “dig potatoes” and “pick tomatoes”, and we shouldn’t be trying to impress our little cousins by “doin the dougie” at the Family Reunion picnic. We might remember when Friday meant a committee meeting of  flyboys seeking manhood in rum & Coke while ladies squeeze a Burger King ass into tofu & granola-sized jeans. We were brave, stupid and shameless behind cheap liquor, funky beats, steamy rooms and the illusion of unlimited freedom known only to the young and the stuporous.  Lips lie, hands grope, pelvis to pelvis push..push…back into the memories of songs from the days of high-top fades and asymmetrical cuts, baggy jeans and rope chains.  But since flirtations with the past will never bring memories to fruition, with dignity, we should go quietly into the Electric Slide line and pray we don’t step on some brothas white patent leather gators. Well….maybe we ain’t that old, yet.

Hook up the I-pod and download the tunes. If you get too loud and people start staring, just tell ’em to Funk It!

Track List:

Spotlight: Maxwell

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Don’t ever wonder…..if this brotha can still make sweat taste sweet. Whether or not he gets as much “babymaking” cred as Barry White and Teddy Pendergrass, he is one of the most original, melodic and sophisticated soul crooners of the 21st century.

In the earlier 90’s, Hip-Hop, West Coast Rap and New Jack style powered R&B radio. In 1996, Maxwell competed with Tupac, R.Kelly, Bone Thugs-N-Harmony, The Fugees, Ginuwine and Keith Sweat for positions on the Pop, Rap and R&B charts. But where his contemporaries bragged about raping, robbing, killing and accumulating street life credibility, he was crooning returning to the basics of life: love, and lust. He was Uptown afro-boho elan. He was that kid always rocking no-name gear that suddenly became the hotness just because HE was stylin’ it.  Everybody knew him without knowing a damn thing about him. He was that dude, that cat, that cool-ass mofo everybody touched but could never quite embrace. Who was this cat?

Before Maxwell, a half-smooth, quarter-cool cat could charm the naivete off a preachers daughter with some Manischewitz Blackberry Wine & Olive Garden take-out, Night Queen incense and Keith Sweat.  Despite profit-making success, neither Sweat nor his “drop your drawers” contemporary R.Kelly, possessed a true balladeers voice.  Dismissing the loving nature of his songs, Keith Sweat was accused of whining and begging his way into the bedroom. He lost favor with male fans and was ridiculed out of the R&B slow-drag spotlight.  R. Kelly, having released both 12 Play (1993) and R. Kelly (1995), was busy building bridges of contractions as he produced albums  intertwining sexually aggressive jack-n-jill rhymes with cathartic gospels. The mind behind “Bump-n-Grind” and “I Like the Crotch on You”, delivered an apogean spiritual in “I Believe I Can Fly”.

Maxwell’s Urban Hang Suite awakened the Kundalani sensuality absent from soul’s music. In truth, we were probably confused when “Ascencion (Don’t Ever Wonder)” hit R&B radio in Spring 1996. We’d ceded love songs to Luther,  and while Luthers’ genius was without question, he was not an heir to the musical complexity and depth of Marvin or Stevie. The cool heat of his delivery was no match for Barry’s baritone. His refined expressions, and fully clothed head to toe, were a counterpoint to Teddy’s Mandingo superlover persona- half-naked, chocolate sweat dripping down to crotch-straggling hot pants.  Luther was great, but  he was clean. Inasmuch as love songs are about romance, they are also about sex. In real life expression, sexuality is dirty, naughty, lustful and incoherent. Vanilla ice cream has its place, but the fully developed tongue desires more palatial adventures in dining.

Maxwell’s, fluid, mollitious and evocative debut was soul rebirthed at its most voluptuousness. It was sandalwood oil and patchouli incense mixed into Egyptian cotton sheets, stroked dry with Turkish towels, and boozy with fresh fruit and Eiswein.    He had Lenny Kravitz looks, and Smokey Robinson smooth. He gave grace and a grown-man gentleness to the new R&B movement. He was a  welcome antidote to the  heavy rotation of hard rap hegemony of R&B radio. If R. Kelly was the speed-dial “break your back-out” type that handled “meet you at the HoJo” 4am service calls, then Maxwell was The Peninsula, with imported roses, honey-n-milk baths, hot stone massages, and Grand Siecle.

From 1996 through 2001, Maxwell delivered four albums, ripe and indulgent pleasures.  After 2001’s Now, he took a hiatus long enough to make us serious wonder if he and D’Angelo were living on the same island. In his absence the rising contemporary male R&B singers would replace depth and artistry in love songs with empty, juvenile lyrics and hyper-swagger. Love-making was for metrosexuals and sissies. Real men banged it in, tore it up and wore it out.  R.Kelly ascended into unrivaled stardom.  His reductive lyrics and on-stage antics denigrated love. R&B music began to sound like a porn flick soundtrack.

When 2010 bought Maxwell back with BLACKsummers’night, erotic sighs of relief sang from between womens’ legs. Funkier than Maxwell’s fanbase might be used to, its’ first two releases, Pretty WingsBad Habits, reestablished Maxwell’s  grown-man blueprint for smooth seduction.

Spotlight: Maxwell

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